“The best thing you can give yourselves…is the gift of possibility. And the best thing you can give each other is the pledge to go on protecting that gift in each other as long as you live.” — Paul Newman

So it turns out that I will not be flying back to NY on my birthday, after all.. and the recording had to be rescheduled for a tentatively firm date mid-next month. When I found out, my initial reaction was disappointement, but upon some further thought, I realized that it was actually for the best.. again. Only 12 days until new year. This year is going to be VERY full for me and will kick off at a frantic pace. Having some downtime and r&r is something that I do required because I am pretty burned out. But give me a week or so of paperbacks, walks, late mornings and a semblance of a life, and I will be as good as new.

I saw a motorcycle yesterday and had a severe case of coveting. It was a Ducati – a sports classic model – and black & white stripey one. It had my name written on it in invisible ink.. ohhh. A serious case of lust. Its owner, who was actually a rather cute representative of the male species in a spiffy jacket, seemed to take my attention somewhat more personally than I had intended. For me it was more about the machine…

I am going to the opera this afternoon and I seriously hope I'll stay awake through Figaro pontificating about his prowess, because I only got 5 hours of sleep. Nap is in order.

I had a very good day yesterday and it was rather full. Today I am going to do the feline thing and just be lazy.

I do miss Hudson, though. I read in the news that there's a major snowstorm that just hit the East coast. I wish I was there to play in the snow a bit, bundle up, drink hot cider and see my breath steam up the air when I have an attack of giggles, and play the grand piano in the church.. It's not just Hudson that I miss, either. There's a bit of a sweet ache in my chest this morning. But my body and my psyche are indeed appreciative of this lull before the storm, as much as I would have liked to push myself to finish the year in grand style of accomplishment. As it stands, I am going to get some rest, have some fun and daydream. And January is almost here..

Driving on Washington Blvd: a sign in front of a construction site: 'We are handmaking this building, so it may take us a while'.

Priceless.

I simply had to use 'hereafter' in something, I love that word. I have always struggled with my own tendency of wanting to live and experience things in the 'hereafter'. I am always the one starting a new life and making a grand statement. Sometimes it even works. When I was small I was really, really bad at it. Mondays are a good day to start a new life. A first of the month is great.. well, January first is practically the best. But if and when you slip up, watch out! the old life has the tendency to slip back in, uninvited.

But my point was: hereafter I shall have more faith in myself and my life unfolding in a way that's best for me. Hereafter I shalt not treat delays as signs of pending doom, changes as threats to my progress and obstacles as random elements of hostile and chaotic universe. I really should know better. In fact I do know better. Every single time in my life I hit a low or approached a seeming crisis of some sort, things always worked out for the best. So therefore and hereafter, I will practice faith as a essential muscle. Kind of like a daily abs thing. Mind you, I don't do the abs thing. Maybe I should! But the faith one comes first and foremost. It is a good time for me to become acutely aware of it - this year-end lull, just before my birthday. There are a few more lessons from this past year and especially the past two-three months that I have to process and register; emotionally absorb.

And tonight, I am going to have some fun. And see 'Avatar'. Yeah! Blu-skinned aliens. Love me some sci fi opera:-) 

I just posted an acoustic cover of MJ's Man in the Mirror on SoundCloud. It fits the holidays, somehow, and where I am finding myself emotionally these days: I want to change. More like: I need to make a number of changes in my life. The tough bit is that one almost always waits for something external to assist the changing.. You know how in movies, the protagonist is being chased by the bad guys, runs and runs and then – yikes! – finds himself (or herself) on top of a cliff. And (well it's a movie) there's a river below. Or some body of water (hooray for Hollywood!)

The only way out is down – so he has to jump – but there's always that moment or two of hesitation and looking back over his shoulder..maybe just maybe.. and then the bad guys pop up around the bend, and now it's time to do it.

You never see anyone just go for it right away, even if it really is the best or only option. We have to be pushed or backed into a corner, metaphorically-speaking.

Most of us make life-changing modifications only when prompted by a crisis. It applies to health, relationships, work.. everything.

I hope this time around I can interpret the messages correctly and move into the new year a better me, or at least intending to become one, slowly.

'A willow deeply scarred
a broken bottle top
and one man's soul'

Who knew Michael Jackson's lyrics were so, well, more like poetry than song lyric?