I wouldn't mind finding this boy (and a toy or two) in my stocking…:-)

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." ~Ayn Rand

One for New Year resolutions section..

I am seriously getting into doing covers. I have a HUGE list now – coming from friends, fans, mentors, fellow musicos and, of course, my own lists and ideas. Gosh, so many great songs have been written. And of course I am addicted to YouTube now because you can pretty much find almost anything on there – from the most obscure Russian stuff to the 80's, 40's, Chinese pop, Edith Piaf, everything and anything. Love it.

Well then, here we go. I'll be posting a cover in the next couple of days.

My Christmas Eve was nice. The air tonight is so still and cold. The moon is so bright. My head was full of music this morning. New songs came through. And an idea for a cover.  I will miss living here a bit – the tall ceilings make for such an amazing sound when I am sitting here, playing and singing. There have been some magical moments.

I went to a Christmas party and ended up borrowing a book. Love when that happens. Sometimes a book just speaks to you and you must take it home, but it does help if the host offers to let it borrow first..

Tomorrow – Christmas day. Long walks and studio time.

A resolution of sorts: I want to be like this in 50 years.

Better start laying groundwork for it now…;-)

Today is Christmas Eve. I will spend it with people I found in the past year who I love and who love me back. These are strange days. I am feeling… like this is my chance. Second or third chance, really. Starting now and going forward I have a chance to truly build something and make lasting changes and become… what I truly wish to become.

Can I do it? Am I complete enough now? I remember maybe four years ago I wrote a poem which had a line in it:

'I'm full of holes for the world to see..'

And now. I am no longer in that place. I am stronger and those 'holes' have been filled – either by myself, or by love from others I have encountered along the path in the meantime. I know myself now better than anyone: my weaknesses, foibles, fears, flaws. Mind you, as you can see I still find it much easier to enumerate the above, rather than my strengths. But it's oh so much better than it ever was. I am still often afraid and unsure. And down on myself. But… in the past year I have had some incredible insights and moments of true bliss – alongside with moments of utter confusion and fear. However it's how often you get up, not how often you fall down, right?

I feel it. I do believe we create our own opportunities, but I also believe that some chances and moments come to us. A little bit like trains. And this train is here now, at the station. As I stand there (probably with my old iPod), looking at it from a distance and just starting to walk towards it, I know somehow that this moment and this coming year – this train – these are a chance to take everything to a completely different level. But there can be no failure. As in: this is the chance for me to use everything I have learned the hard way in the past few years. And this chance will not come again. I am not being extreme or pessimistic: it is a truth I can feel within me. Like a gymnast who has trained for a long time and has now stepped up to the bar at the Olympic Games: there is no do-over. This is it. I have the tools, I have the knowledge and I have the opportunity. And now it is up to me to shed the baggage, forgive myself for missteps and be brand new, but wisely and tenderly.

Merry Christmas.