Today I got to catch up with a former student and amazing talent Naturi Naughton – I coached her and a couple of other stars of the "Fame!" remake last year. It was quite an experience. In the process – which lasted three months – Naturi learned to play piano from zero to a very convincing rendition of a number of pieces in the film. Personally, I think she was the best part of the film. Mind you, I don't think they should have remade it. The original film still stands outside of time and is wonderful.

But the whole process of teaching ended up a huge learning experience for me. And watching Naturi's determination and professionalism certainly rubbed off on me in a number of ways. Today we caught up for a session because she was getting ready for an audition of a nearly operatic piece and needed some help with getting ready – singing with accompaniment etc. In the process I ended up coaching her a bit on the operatic technique, as well. Wow, that girl is so amazing. I was inspired even more to work harder and become the best vocalist I can possibly be.

It is a strange thing these days.. I am obsessed with singing. I practice opera and vocal now every single day, almost for hours on end. I think what may have happened in the recent few years is that I somehow concentrated more on songwriting, rather than on developing my vocal strengths. In the process, I am in the best place, songwriting-wise I have ever been and I feel so confident in that area.

And now.. all of a sudden I am obsessed with my voice and taking it new heights. Am I really going to become an opera singer after all? The answer is I do not know. The thing that I have been doing in the last year, which is coming to a head now… what I do with combining the opera style with pop, while also playing piano and creating a blend thereof.. They are getting stronger and stronger: that direction, and my voice. It's an incredible feeling and place to be, as I am feeling every day that my voice is growing..

I am feeling like the sky is the limit.

Perhaps this is why I am finding myself in a place where I a lot less concerned about daily twists and turns of the biz part of my musical world. Somehow I am feeling fulfilled, even though I am pretty broke and have no really clear idea as to what the next days will bring. But I feel such power within me when I sing, that I simply cannot feel powerless period, perhaps. It is almost as if the Muse I serve is satiated when I work at my craft and 'sing' at her altar.. and she watches over me and my heart.

I am feeling today like a caterpillar who has grown pretty damn big for her cocoon.. and can already see a little tantalizing glimpse of the outside. But I am still constricted. Still waiting, a bit. But feeling the transformation in my bones. Oh, it is a feeling, not even a thought or a hope.

The rain and hail outside are accompaniment to the sound of my typing. All in all, I am grateful to have a roof over my head and as I am about to nod off to the sound of this un-L.A.-like weather, I am looking forward to tomorrow..

This weather is amazing. So much rain. Storms raging daily. Some people start speaking of global warming. Me? Well, I am fortunate to be driving an old suv, which sits high in the water and keeps me dry. One of my windshield wipers needs to be replaced. But I keep thinking this is a marvelous clean start to a new year. Mind you, the Chinese new year starts mid February. Year of the Tiger. Rrrrr!

The rain is beating on the roof tonight. Once again I am reminded that life's twists and turns are not something I can ever control or predict. I can only remember that 'it's not an adventure until something goes wrong' and take all changes and developments in stride. Even when I think something is not fair or should be different.

I am coming to believe that there are two key qualities of character that make this human experience work: courage and kindness.

I also wrote a new song today.

Onwards and upwards we go. But first, sleep. Everything looks brighter in the morning.

Have you ever gone through a period of your life when you know that whatever the next X number of days brings, it will surely change your life forever and make it flow in one direction rather than the other?

This is that week for me. By early next week, some decisions will be made one way or another that will determine quite a bit of my life in the coming year. There will also be a couple of events to do the same thing. So all in all, the new moon has arrived pretty dramatically on the heels of this solar eclipse thingie.. that I was writing about in an earlier post.

In fact, the timing of everything is so textbook, that I am, once again, a little taken aback, because a part of me does not like the idea that my life is cosmically pre-determined yadda yadda yadda. I'd much rather think of it in Ayn Rand terms: come and conquer the day sort of thing. Human will over all etc. But it appears that just like the tide pulls on everything, and the moon does make it so, there are things in this modern (and rather arrogant) world of ours that affect us and our paths whether we think they are legit or not.

And so – after I caved in to my coffee addiction again this morning – after a few days of abstinence – it is an interesting thing to realize that early next week I will most likely be in a very different place in a few distinct ways, than I am today. Most likely not geographically – not yet. But I am standing at a crossroads today – symbolically and otherwise.

Someone said: 'there are no wrong choices'. No, perhaps not. Although perhaps there are. But don't our personalities carry within them seeds of our future regardless of the options? This week, my internal Navigator is going to have to be calm, focused and be able to drown out any kind of anxious chatter of my mind. It is a funny thing because I have learned that choices have to be made from intuition. But information triggers various emotions that oftentimes make accessing intuition nigh impossible. That said, the obvious shortcut we all take – dampening the emotions and making the decisions from the left side of the brain, instead – is not the right way to go, either, I don't think: one misses too many important clues to the pieces of the puzzle.

Sometimes I think that the best way to describe the process is being a teacher in a kindergarten (which by the way I did for a week at some point, teaching the kids how to sing Christmas songs). Imagine 20+ six year olds, all clamoring for your attention. First you have to get them calmed down. There is no sense to shout at them or get upset, because they will just feed off your emotion and it will make things worse.

Then you hear them out, one by one, so everyone has a chance to say their piece.

Ideally, this is how one should deal with the emotions, too. Oh, but it is so much harder to deal with your internal life, especially when push comes to shove and there is something important at stake. I used to get so entangled in my thoughts and fears, that I would reach out and keep looking and asking for advice. Which is good in moderation, but if you have no true access to your own internal compass, advice can send your ship onto the rocks. No one truly ever knows what's best for you: ok, perhaps not in every situation. But in the long run, only you know what it is that you need or what you love. It took me a little while to figure that one out and be able to incorporate it into my life.

OK. So here I am. The ship is leaving the island, and navigating through the shallows. Open sea soon. Where shall we go?

(forgive me for this metaphore, but I grew up faithfully reading pirate books).

Well, so I just spent three hours playing and singing in the empty room. Enjoying the flow, the feel and sound of music. The ease with which it comes these days. And the joy of it.

The truth is it wasn't always this way. When I started out, I had this bliss. Somewhere along the way it got lost. Perhaps it was through trying to write the perfect pop song and getting stuck in the left side of my brain. Perhaps it was the insecurities. The traumas, for sure. I lost the spark and the joy of music, and just kept moving forward on auto pilot because.. well.. because I am stubborn.

Just like you can't fake being in love or think yourself into it – and believe me, I know this – you can't fake this bliss, the zone, the love of it when it comes to your vocation, and especially music.

And now it has been back for a bit. And growing stronger every day, as my mastery grows. And when I get anxious about the business of it, the choices, the options and the repercussions thereof, I just have to sit down at the piano and sing. And it all melts away. And I am not just saying that. It is a physical pleasure of a sort: tangible and accessible.

I am in love, and I am in love with the music I make. So I have myself to thank for not giving up prior to this: my stubborn Russian streak. I slogged through, and the truth is: I want it all, I want the rewards and the accolades, for sure – who wouldn't? – but when I was sitting there tonight, playing and singing, it was more than enough: it was the reason and the world unto itself.

This morning there is an interesting feel to the energy. I never used to be into astrology, but I got introduced to it by friends over the last couple of years and I have found it to be an interesting thing – or tool. Like anything, it can be used to limit our perceptions of things, as well as our experiences – or it can be used to expand our sense and understanding of reality as we move through this universe; oftentimes with blinders on.

For me astrology is just another way to decode this universe. It is not a logical, scientific one, of course. I just read 'The Short History of Myth' by Karen Armstrong and I strongly recommend it to everyone. She takes the Joseph Campbell route, but does it in a very concise and less convoluted manner (mind you, JC is one of my CMs: celestial muses, capish? so I am not being critical of him, just pointing out the fact that in his books his writing can be a tad dense for the average person).

Karen Armstrong divides the human perception experience and how we process it into Myth and Logos. Myth being the right brain, the archetypal but not necessarily primitive navigator. Logos is the left brain – the computer that has access to data we provide it over time: the rational one.

To the Logos and those entirely driven by it, astrology is laughable. To the Myth, astrology is a connection to the Whole and the Archetypal, the Symbolic; the Daemonic Reality of Self, so to speak. The Intangible is felt, not rationalized. The Intangible can be found in symbols, in art and in music. And in us, as well as all around us – as more 'primitive' cultures well do know.

Anyway, this is a much longer conversation than I have time for this morning.

Tomorrow is a solar eclipse. It is supposed to be the longest one for these coming 200 years. Solar eclipses herald changes, endings, beginnings. Basically: a shake-up in your life. Give or take a few days. A solar eclipse is a catalyst in your external life. Things take off at a run – and they either soar or run off the proverbial cliff. A lunar eclipse is a catalyst of inner change.

By the way, some people would say that the earthquake in Haiti is a classic example of what a solar eclipse may coincide with. Sometimes natural events can be rather cataclysmic, apparently.

Hang on to your hats, my friends and the energy+thoughts you put out into the world today and tomorrow – through the weekend.

Strong magic is afoot:-)

It is fascinating that timing-wise, where I am finding myself right now is that exact spot: the cliff. Oh, but it's exciting. And that is why I started this journal entry with the words about the energy. I can feel it coming. It's in the air. The morning is sunny, but a bit chilly, and the wind is strong. I think it's coming from the desert, from the sounds it makes outside my window. It sounds like a warning. But I am not feeling anxious this morning (unlike, apparently, a few of my friends and acquaintances): I am feeling very alive. Alive, vulnerable, but spunky and in love with this world. I think whichever path I'll take will be the right one. I am keeping up with the lessons. As long as I keep doing what scares me a little bit, I'll keep moving forward.

So as for me – I will go and play at the coffeeshop again tomorrow night for a couple of hours to put out some creative vibes into the Aether. Or maybe even tonight, but perhaps I should rest my voice, since I have been singing a lot in the last few days and it needs a rest.