I am getting over a cold. Friday night I came back from NYC, where I was doing some press and promos for the upcoming record. I was so tired, and flying when you are getting sick is definitely one of the most unpleasant experiences ever, because as you get achey, there is no way to stretch out or rest properly.

When I woke up Saturday morning, my throat was in agony.

But fortunately my trusty herbs were waiting for me, and after two days of rest and herbal regime 'a la Elizaveta', I am getting over this.

Yes… hello, year end 2011. 2012 is almost here. And so is my birthday.

Is it strange that every year now I dread this time more and more? I tell myself it is time to relax and look back at all I have accomplished, but all I manage to do is look at all I have not. And beat myself up for it.

Maybe what can explain this phenomenon is an entry in my diary from when I turned 16. It says exactly:

'Oh my God. I have just turned 16 and I still have not accomplished anything'.

It goes to show then, that every year after that, the burden of 'non-accomplishment' probably grows until one day I'll end up buried underneath it. Or will I finally learn balance?

My recipe for my own winter's year end melancholy then is this:

1) a strict internet diet. (What I mean by this is staying away from the computer when I am not working on music/recording).

2) Music every day. Singing, playing, recording, guitar. Playing with other people.

3) back to swimming every day. I have joined the local YMCA and they have a wonderful pool.

4) meditation and some time spent each day working on feeling hopeful – and thankful.

5) some time spent playing in the snow around my birthday.

Perhaps I am burned out. At the moment 2012 seems like an insurmountable task, because it is really a litmus test of all that I am. It's a test. Is my music any good? Ah, and if it is good, is it good enough? Am *I* good enough? Or do I, at the end of it, decide to do something else, after all?

I guess the goal for me, in the coming month, is to figure out how to shed my past, and the baggage/tiredness that goes with it. Faith goes a long way, and without enthusiasm I certainly won't get anywhere.

But it's a question of balance, isn't it? You have to respect the sadness when it arises, because if you keep pushing yourself beyond it, it will accumulate in your chest and get you in the end. 2011 was wonderful in so many ways, and yet I am also hopeful that 2012 will be a little more… forgiving. But somehow I doubt that.

Anyway. I am working on a couple of Christmas covers, one of them is Italian. To be posted shortly.

I think I should write myself a birthday song.

Today I get to see the illustration and cover work for the record.

And then another two weeks and I will be re-born. December 26th, to be precise.