I am in NYC, and after riding bikes in Central Park and getting a near heatstroke (try climbing a hill on a bike in humid 100 degrees!), I went to my rehearsal and found myself racing down the street through a thunderstorm. As we rehearsed in a cubby hole underground, the roof started leaking. So, all in all a day of brilliant adventure, which also included great food, which is not at all unusual in New York.
In other news, my iTunes Session Release has climbed the charts and here I am at #13:
We also re-mastered & re-released my older EP Breakfast with Chopin – you can now find it on iTunes and it deserves a whole separate blog entry for itself, but for now, here is the new video we just made for the title track. We enjoyed doing this and I am glad Breakfast with Chopin now has a video all its own.
Tomorrow I am doing some press, rehearsing some more and Friday is the show. I'll be happy to celebrate this release in NYC, the city where I was born. It doesn't ever make it easy for me, but I love it very much. Who wants easy anyway? Not me. Ok, sometimes. But tonight I am here, I can feel and hear the buzz of the Big Apple and I am looking forward to the next two days.
Posted December 27, 2012 at 5:28 am
Yes.
I won't even begin to talk about my August and September. Saying that I am in transition is an understatement. September was marginally better than my August, but it also brought its storms and droughts.
That said, the music is flowing and I am leaving the summer of 2012 behind with all it had to teach me. I have also been journaling, rather faithfully, and writing down my dreams – most of them nightmares for the past two weeks, but still. There have been some interesting and less jarring ones, too.
My new site was delayed, but thanks to lovely accomplices, it is poised to launch now, as is the Beatrix story with its map.
One of the things I learned – again – is how important it is to be able to bend, flow, laugh and persevere. A perseverance of a kind that is not inflexible and can be shattered like a slab of stone, but more like water, which keeps on trickling and eventually wears away the hardest surfaces.
Today I am leaving for a couple of days, to spend some time looking at the vines, grasses and a lake under a full Harvest Moon and contemplating October, where I will do another local performance residency at the Witzend and keep on building.
And here is a song I dedicate to October. It is not spring and it is not March, but its lyrics speak to me now, so why not? I hope to keep its spirit throughout the month.
Waters of March
A stick, a stone, it's the end of the road It's the rest of a stump, it's a little alone
It's a sliver of glass, it is life, it's the sun It is night, it is death, it's a trap, it's a gun
The oak when it blooms, a fox in the brush The knot in the wood, the song of a thrush
The wood of the wind, a cliff, a fall A scratch, a lump, it is nothing at all
It's the wind blowing free, it's the end of the slope It's a beam, it's a void, it's a hunch, it's a hope
And the river bank talks of the waters of March It's the end of the strain, It's the joy in your heart
The foot, the ground, the flesh and the bone The beat of the road, a slingshot's stone
A truckload of bricks in the soft morning light A shot of a gun in the dead of the night
A mile, a must, a thrust, a bump, It's a girl, it's a rhyme, it's a cold, it's the mumps . The plan of the house, the body in bed And the car that got stuck, it's the mud, it's the mud
A float, a drift, a flight, a wing A hawk, a quail, oh, the promise of spring
And the river bank talks of the waters of March It's the promise of life, it's the joy in your heart (repeat)
A point, a grain, a bee, a bite A blink, a buzzard, a sudden stroke of night
A pin, a needle, a sting, a pain A snail, a riddle, a wasp, a stain
A snake, a stick, it is John, it is Joe A fish, a flash, a silvery glow
The bed of the well, the end of the line The dismay on the face, it's a loss, it's a find
A spear, a spike, a point, a nail A drip, drip, drip, drop, the end of the day
And the river bank talks of the waters of March It's the promise of life in your heart, in your heart (repeat)
,the end of the road,a little alone
A sliver of glass, a life, the sun A knife, a death, the end of the run
And the river bank talks of the waters of March It's the promise of life, it's the joy in your heart
And the river bank talks of the waters of March It's the promise of life, it's the joy in your heart
The waters of March,
And the river bank talks of the waters of March It's the promise of life, it's the joy in your heart
Well what a year it has been. So much done, learned, experienced. A lot of inner storms weathered – some more easily than others.
At the end of this year I am not at all where I thought I would be when I imagined it a year ago.
But I am certainly not the person I was a year ago, either.
I have performed, traveled, made videos, tested personal limits of all kinds, acquired new friends and fans, cried, laughed till my stomach hurt, sang till my throat could take no more, doubted myself, felt invincible, written new songs and then had to rewrite everything, including my life.
I have learned that there are no gurantees except personal inner strength and faith in what you can do. The only constants in life are your habits: good and bad. People will change, life will change, your body may decide it has had it and needs rest, but if you're alive on the inside and trust yourself, you can take any risk – with any outcome – and still come out on top, just because you took the plunge.
Fear may keep you safe for a while, but it won't save you from your own 'what ifs'.
I think I wrote a while back how sometimes it appears that different people are made of different materials. Wood, steel. Plaster. Stone. Put wood in the fire and it will burn. Put steel in the fire and it will get stronger.
But there is more to that. I believe now that we all 'transmute' over time. We change – sometimes back and forth – and you could have started out as steel, but when hurt or tired, you may become glass for a while, feeling like anything could shatter you. You hide and bide your time, but eventually you feel stronger and now you are not thin and brittle like the surface of a wineglass, ready to break at any given moment, but a sturdy glass door. You are ready to leave your safe cupboard and face the world. Maybe not go out into it just yet, but make yourself visible and vulnerable to a degree.
I often felt very brittle and rather fragile over this past year. I would rise up to challenges, but on the inside, my self doubt kept alive by finding ways to deny me the pleasure of achievement. I would tell myself: 'yes, I did it, but… I could have prepared more. I should have done better. I didn't do my best'.
Strangely enough, as many things fell away towards the end of this year, I feel the strongest I have in a very long time. I don't feel diminished by my perceived "failures", like I would have in the past. I feel – well, for the first time in a long, long time, I feel like I could be a sword. Steel. Or a rapier of a kind. Fine steel, bendable, but strong and sharp.
I am also the hand that wields it.
You see, life is dangerous. Living life as it should be lived, in my opinion, is dangerous. When you plan, hope, strive, you open yourself up to a giddy sense of freedom and possibility, but also to a chance that you will fail miserably. You could be broken. Shattered. Discouraged. But if you stay safe and never push your limits, you will never know what you might have been otherwise.
Today Los Angeles is cold and it started out being around 40 degrees farenheit this morning. Not common for Southern California, but I love it. It's crisp and I can smell wood burning somewhere. The sun is warming everything up. It does feel like the end of the year.
We are about to put my new Store page up on my website, and in the next few weeks you can expect a lot of Beatrix Map updates. The story goes on… 2013 feels like it will be an amazing year.
And as we passed through Utah a couple of weeks ago, we shot a very silly, but happy video to my Christmas cover of 'Marshmallow World':
Posted December 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Lyrics for Goodbye Song – from Beatrix Runs
No need for flutes or violins
Cause they won't mean a thing
When everything's been said.
No need for fancy cards or flowery prose
Though I suppose
they make us feel less bad.
No need for long, drawn-out explaining
how and when – and why – this love came to an end
No need to to tell me so sincerely
you still want to be my friend.
It's a goodbye song
A little bitter, but it's sweet
You always wanted one
It comes a little late – but it's complete
It's from the heart
Please remember: I love you dearly
although we have to part.
No need to gather up the evidence
to justify the emptiness inside
No need to pray and turn for guidance to the Providence:
it simply won't provide.
No need to ask your friends
for well-intentioned Good Advice –
they're happy to oblige.
(and though I know you want to)
-no need to promise we will work it out
and start again
Let's simply turn the page.
It's a goodbye song
A little bitter, but it's sweet
And you always wanted one
It comes a little late – but it's complete
It's from the heart
Please remember: I love you dearly
although we have to part.
So I won't cling to you
because it's driving you away
No need for subterfuge
I've all run out of insights
and inspiring things to say.
No need to worry so about me
cause you know
I'm landing on my feet…
… a little late – but I'm complete.
I speak from the heart:
please remember – I love you dearly
although we have to part.
Please remember, I love you dearly
although we have to part.
(Written by Elizaveta -from Beatrix Runs, out January 24, 2012)
Posted October 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm
moving on…
Today I am feeling content because last night's performance made me realize that the recent opera and guitar practice are definitely paying off. Maybe it's the Capricorn in me, but there is really nothing I like better than the feeling of well-earned progress.
I also premiered five new songs and the reactions of the audience were very satisfying. I would say I am well on my way to a new body of material – and songs – that are on par with Beatrix Runs album. I am worlds away from where I was professionally even a year ago. And I have big plans.
Next week's show is going to be all about my looping station and some other gadgets I will incorporate into the live performance, whereas the last two were more on the acoustic live side. I am transitioning to electric guitar, as well.
This past week or so I made it a routine to start my mornings with a bike ride to the ocean and a swim. The water is not very warm, but it's not bad at all, and it's invigorating. It's a great routine. I am going to keep this up, so that even in December I'll be out there, swimming. It clears my brain and jumpstarts the body. Maybe occasionally I'll do some surfing, but if you are surfing, you have to wear the wetsuit. I do so love the feeling of salt cold water on my skin..
