Posted April 28, 2013 at 9:24 am

bloggs:)

I think blogging more regularly is finally starting to become a habit. I often come across blogs of artists and personalities I am interested in – only to find out that their blog entries are often one a month or even less. I wonder why that is? Why start a blog if you are disinclined to write?

I can posit a reason or two: sometimes, life just takes over. It is so fast, furious, or even simply nice, that writing about it seems to be a moot point. Why write when life is so full you don't feel the need to fictionalize it in any way? Or when everything is a nice routine? Writing when you are content seems to be less of an urgent activity than when you are striving, unhappy, nostalgic and desire to express yourself. If an artist's life is normal, happy and full of normal, happy regular things – what is there to write about? Maybe there is, but there is less of an urge to try and do so.

Sometimes, however, it's the opposite. An artist won't write because he/she feels too fragile to write, because everything has gone wrong. Some of us are less inclined to share our faults and failures with the world at large. "No news is good news" sort of thing. What this means is: we hide when we are weak and feel lost. Reaching out to the world and letting it know we are in trouble seems like a cop-out and a signal that we are, indeed, failing and unworthy. An artist who has been public for a while is also surrounded by people – management, label and others. If there is a sense of frustration and it has been vented online, it will surely find its way to be seen by those who are connected to the artist's career, which is probably not a good thing.

And finally, it may be a question of discipline. Starting something is easy – like buying a plant. Sticking with it, feeding it, making sure it gets water regularly, trimming it, puting it in a bigger pot – well, that's a whole other thing. Good thing: blogs are like succulents – they don't die. Blog or not blog, your page is still there. 

I used to be terrible with plants, in fact – before my whole 'flower alchemist' phase. I am quite a bit better now. When I look at my plants now I can almost tell when they are happy or not: it is almost as if it is talking to me. That doesn't give me any ideas as to WHY that is, of course, but most of the time it is pretty easy: it wants attention. With attention comes water and care. A little bit of regular attention to anything, and it will grow and flower, including a blog: regular being the key word here.

This morning I found a great quote from Tchaikovsky: 

“There is no doubt that even the greatest musical geniuses have sometimes worked without inspiration. This guest (inspiration) does not always respond to the first invitation. We must always work, and a self-respecting artist must not fold his hands on the pretext that he is not in the mood. If we wait for the mood, without endeavouring to meet it half-way, we easily become indolent and apathetic. We must be patient, and believe that inspiration will come to those who can master their disinclination.” 
― Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

It is so true, in my opinion. In Russian we say: "Аппетит приходит во время еды". This means: Appetite arrives while you are having the meal. 

I do use Twitter, of course, but there is something so annoying about having to use 140 characters. I prefer it for news and communication, as well as keeping up with people I admire, who are online – like Esa-Pekka Salonen, who is my favorite conductor, and many others.

And so I am happy to say that I am getting back into blogging regularly – not to blog but to write, because I am developing a taste for it again. Writing should be done for writing's sake, otherwise it is contrived, stunted and reads more like a press release, than an account of human experience. Same goes for poetry: I have been so focused on music recently, I only now realized how much I have neglected my poetry. Not that both don't go hand in hand, because I do write lyrics, and that can be constituted as a form of poetry. However, what makes writing poetry different is that there is no music involved, and words and the spaces in-between are both the brush, palette and the canvas.

 

 

Posted April 23, 2013 at 7:49 am

guitars.

Spent the whole day yesterday recording guitars on new tracks with Ben Cassorla. He says I am in real danger of becoming a female Phil Spector: I love to layer, and I am very specific about what I want and what I don't want. In fact, he went as far as compliment me on my "session skillz" by saying that I was 'very organized'.

I'll take it. Being organized is a big part of being disciplined. I think I am happiest when I know I am actively working on goals I set for myself, as I have been recently. I spent most of Sunday preparing for the session by coming up with various guitar lines, hooks and ideas, and then recording them in scratch form, for Ben to re-record later. Yesterday we recorded all guitars for my new song Da Da Da Da – which, incidentally, is looking to become my first Russian single, too, and also Hero.

Speaking of Hero, today I am sending out the email with instructions for my Virtual Choir participants, of which there are more than a hundred. It will be an amazing choir!

This week I am finalizing the Japanese version of Dreamer and also continuing work on the Chinese version of Odi et Amo. Yes, I know it has been a while since I promised this recording, but it's better late than never, is it not? I think so.

Producing my new music is a huge deal for me. At least even being able to take it this far and give it all I've got – it is doing wonders for my self esteem and overall mood. Last week was increasingly stressful and I had to consciously distance myself from the news, social media etc and throw myself into work. It is pretty easy for me to spin out and lose track of time, or get anxious and sad when I read about negative things happening around the world. I have realized recently that if I am going to do the work, I must make sure I limit my exposure to the outside world, Internet, Twitter and such when I am focusing on the music. There is no other way.

Posted April 19, 2013 at 3:11 am

It has been a melancholy few days, with the Boston tragedy and then Texas plant explosion taking place shortly thereafter. This morning I made a choice to stay away from the news, Facebook and Twitter for a little while because I was assaulted by second to second coverage of the manhunt.

In my humble opinion, no manhunt should be made into a spectacle. It brought back to me memories of reading 'The Running Man'.

My dear hope is that this incident does not give rise to more hate. The world can't hold any more division, than it already does. We are all different, some of us are very flawed, some are angry, some are lucky and others are starving – but the important thing is not to give in to hate. Violence always begets more violence. Hate always makes for more hate. Righteous retaliation and judgment are a slippery slope.

Today I am focusing on recording lead vocals for my potential Russian single. I call it my Russian single because the original idea for it was to be the single from my upcoming Russian EP, however I am very proud of this song, although it is a little more dance-oriented than some of my previous tunes… and so it will be part of my US release, as well.

I have been feeling, increasingly, how important it is to meditate these days. Even if is just a few minutes of silence and reconnecting to the 'Inner Map'.

Speaking of maps and things – I have just scheduled a show in London for end of May, as I'll be on my way to Edinburgh (via Paris) to perform at TED Global 2013. It is at The Elgin in Notting Hill, May 30th, which I believe to be a Thursday. Check all the details in the little window to your right. I may be doing a Paris show, too, but not sure about all the details yet…

 

Posted April 15, 2013 at 10:49 am

breathe, breathe, breathe

I have so much to do this week – and really for the next six weeks I have before Europe and TED Global performance.

The important thing to remind myself is to take small but constant steps. I tend to make a plan, then become terrified I can't accomplish what I set out to do, which keeps me procrastinating until I am really in trouble and the deadline is looming like an iceberg. Then I become superhuman and accomplish within days what really could have used weeks, when I had them. After which, I beat myself up for my ok results because had I actually gone down the route of slow and steady they could have been so much better. That, my friends, is the curse of perfectionistic thinking.

In fact, behind all this lies fear – but not the fear of not being able to do something at all – no, it's the fear of not being able to do it well enough. Once I kick myself into gear and start trudging up the hill, I usually find that the hill is not as tall as it looked – and I have strong legs – and if I just keep breathing in and out and taking one step after another, I am bound to reach the top.

I am a little better than I used to be, however, thankfully. Perfectionism mixed with fear of failure make for a corrosive substance, which leads to basic avoidance – regret – shame. And rinse and repeat.

There is a great book I read recently, which I recommend to almost anyone of creative persuasion. It is a very small book and easy reading. It's called 'The War of Art'. I like the metaphores in it – and I am a little bit of a warrior soul, so to speak. Maybe it's my Cossack roots showing themselves. 

And here is me, post-photo shoot the other day, having tea in the garden with i102fly, Belathee Photography ladies, and the four of us talking non stop. Occasionally, Annabel's eyes would glaze over as she listened to me pontificate on and on, caffeinated, and she would grab her camera…

Tea

 

Last night I wrote a string arrangement for Red Balloon, one of the new songs. I am finding that I am actually quite decent at that, too. It's amazing how many benefits can be found in apparent limitations. If I had a string arranger at my beck and call right now and budgeting was not an issue, chances are I would have never tried to write them myself – discovering in process that I have a knack for it.

Posted April 12, 2013 at 12:20 pm

Woke up early, headpiece-ready

…for a very fun photo shoot with friends/fans and great photographers duo Annabel & Dorothee of Belathee Photography.

I had a brand new headpiece to model that Missy of i102fly had custom made for my Moscow show, and I felt like it needed some proper photos – I wasn't wrong, I think we have some amazing pictures now. It is actually made from coral leaves which I found while on vacation in the Caribbean. It was my first time there and I loved it, and then brought the coral back in my suitcase. (Disclaimer: no live coral was actually harmed!) As a result, my suitcase smelled strongly for fish when I opened it, and so did all my clothes. The coral pieces had to bake in the sun and air out a bit for a few days, but they still smelled a bit like fish when Missy customized them into a headpiece and I took it to Moscow for the performance, where it was a big hit.

I am a little fuzzy and tired because the last few days were quite packed, between getting ready for the show, some private lessons I am taking, meetings etc. Starting this weekend I will have a somewhat slower stretch until my departure for TED & Europe in early June. Slower not in the sense of less to do – but just less deadline-oriented. Although hmmm….. maybe not:) Well, it is ok. I am happiest when I have a goal and I am working towards it. Maybe it's a Capricorn thing – I am like a mountain goat, slowly but surely finding my footing and climbing the mountain.

The show the other night was a lot of fun, sold out and we also shot it on video, so I am looking forward to seeing/hearing it. This was my first time in a long while performing with a full band – drummer, guitarist, bassist and myself on keyboards and guitar. I also performed two brand new songs, including Hero on which I play electric guitar. It was an early night, meaning that it was at 8 PM and I had quite a few kids in the audience. I had four little girls sitting in the front row staring at me, which was a bit distracting at first! They were incredibly cute. At the end of the show as I was packing up, two of them approached me, hand in hand, and asked whether they could be in my band. Victory! 

I have an enormous amount of music work to do but it's all very exciting. The Russian songs are taking shape, too, and I think I have my first Russian single for sure.

In about a week and a half I also will go and record a children's choir with a bunch of 3rd graders to add to my Hero song – and Missy and I will hold our first ever Dreamer Workshop for kids.

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